Change of Heart, Change of Plan

Here’s a new experience: just scratched from the horse trial.

I’ve been thinking about it for – two weeks or so?  Could not figure out what had gone wrong.  I was excited about it for weeks and then all of a sudden, bam.  I just wasn’t.  Like flipping a switch.

I kept on doing that thing that I do – putting my head down and slogging, following through on my commitments – but then we had an atrocious jump school last Wednesday.  I set us up to fail in every way possible and then gave my poor horse a brutally bad ride, with no rhythm or balance or finesse or intelligence.  Or steering.  Total butchery.  The worst I have ridden in months.

And it set me back on my heels hard enough to voice my lack of enthusiasm.  The long and short of it seems to be that I am just not excited about running a one-off Novice, which makes me feel like a jerk. I was excited over the winter about starting off a 2013 campaign with a Novice or two, just as I was excited about the T/N we added last year to a purpose.  I’m excited about the prospect of bringing a future young horse up through the levels.  I feel like I should be excited about having a good time with my good horse whatever the level and I am, at home or on the trail or hunter-pacing, etc.  But I guess I am not wired to get excited about competing well within everyone’s comfort zone for its own sake.

Which is maybe something I should work on, or else maybe not.  I don’t know.  I hate being a flake and I feel stupid about the impulsivity of this whole deal.  I just know that prepping and braiding and travel to run around a Novice we’ve run a couple of times before – even though it’s one of my favorite events; even though that’s part of the reason I picked it – sounds like a lot more work than it does like fun.

Or maybe I am just more burned out, still, than I had realized.

I was pretty much decided Wednesday night, but made myself wait until I’d jumped around again to make sure I wasn’t just overreacting to a bad ride.  I don’t normally jump two days in a row, but Tuck seemed in good order on Thursday and I needed a do-over, so I went for it.  Set us up better, rode smarter and cooler, tried hard to stay over my feet and find opportunities to let go.  All was well.  Let it ride through a laid-back Friday, through fifteen miles in three hours Saturday*, through a snuggle in the paddock and then watching friends ride around the Groton House Summer Classic yesterday, and sent my scratch in this morning.

I’m excited about the distance rides, and about continuing to school and jump at home with maybe an excursion or two if the right opportunity presents itself.  Just feels better to stick with that stuff for now.  So that’s what we’ll do.

*Camelbak in the cantle bag was a fail.  I mean, it worked okay and Tucker didn’t seem to mind (or notice), but I hated it -- just seemed like too much weight and potential for motion over the most vulnerable part of his back.  Back to the drawing board!