I meant to write about our super dressage school last night or about our lovely long hack through the snow today, but then I pulled the saddle and Tucker's back was sore.
I can make the excuses. There are always excuses. I was pretty sure this saddle would not be The One. The snow had been through a melt/freeze cycle and so was hard going. He's using muscles now that we're doing dressage again that he hasn't had to use quite this way in months. But the bottom line is that here he is back-sore again, in spite of time off and bodywork and careful rehab work and riding.
Feeling pretty discouraged right now.
And guilty. That I'm not lighter and fitter. That I don't ride better than I do. That I haven't been more aggressive with veterinary and hoof care. That I spent so much time believing that his soreness was a normal response to hard work before I put my foot down and started looking into it. That I don't have unlimited resources to pour into him; he gets what I have, but I wish it were more. That I want to keep competing him, and riding him at all.
That last, honestly, less than all the rest and at the same time more. I'm sure Tuck would be happy hanging around eating for a living, but I am equally sure that he likes having a job and that he likes that job to be a serious one. He has always, always, always been a horse that rises to a challenge and that knows when to turn it on. I cannot shake the conviction that this is my horse of a lifetime -- or maybe, hopefully, one of my horses of a lifetime -- and I cannot help feeling a little bit silly that I keep coming down on the side of, I want to keep this horse as my partner, but he's the real thing, you guys.
I hope I'll know when it's time to stop on him. I cannot believe that this is it. We've retired from the field before -- I always wondered, until I did it, whether I would pull a horse up on cross-country when it wasn't our day -- and we did it together. Mostly I cross my fingers and trust that'll be the way of it, but not yet.
But yeah, pretty discouraged and pretty guilty. I'll get in touch with our lameness guy after Christmas and schedule a time for him to come take a look at those hind-end joints to see if we're dealing with referred pain. It makes the most sense to me as the next step.
It doesn't seem like enough.
You, of all people, are doing as well as can be imagined, I'm sure. I'm familiar with the guilt part - why didn't I see this before? I could have, if only... - but, as people have been telling me, all we can do is, to the best of our ability, try to see what they tell us, and as soon as we can, act. And that's what you're doing, and the only thing you can do.
ReplyDelete*hugs*. I really hope everything will turn out right. You and Tucker are such a great team; I hope you will have much to enjoy together still!
Thanks, pal. I know you know this rollercoaster even better than I do. ::hug::
DeleteDitch the guilt; there's no need for it.
ReplyDeleteHubby and I were just talking about the fact that I don't blanket my horses (I live in California). He was up in the mountains where it is colder and noticed those horses didn't get blankets either. His point to the conversation was that most Californians are wimps.
I agreed and we discussed the fact that yes, blanketing would be nice, and no, horses in the wild don't get blanketed, which lead to *this* point: good horse owners (of which you are one) give domesticated horses a far better life than they would receive in the wild.
Of course there is always more we can do, but that is faulty reasoning (hyperbole). Horses need good quality feed, fresh water, shelter, medical care, and a rider who does the best she can while educating herself in the process. So ditch the guilt. We're ALL doing the best we can. :0)
Regarding your saddle search: I haven't followed that closely, but from what I gather, you're searching for a treeless saddle? I could be wrong there, so feel free to stop reading or simply delete.
When I was endurance riding (from the mid 1990s until 2010), treeless saddles were not very popular because they just can't distribute weight as evenly as a treed saddle can. I know things come and go fashion wise, but the logic still makes sense to me.
If you're looking for a comfortable, well-fitting saddle at a reasonable price point, you might try the Tucker Equitation. I used it on three of my endurance horses (all Arabs) over every distance including 100s and multi-days and never had a sore backed backed horse. I am not suggesting the saddle will fit every horse, but for the price (they come up frequently on Ebay) they are a nice fitting saddle that puts the rider in a good endurance position.
I also had the regular endurance model which I also used for all distances on several horses. When I moved to dressage, it seemed silly to keep two endurance saddles so I sold the "reg" model but kept the equitation. The saddle were originally designed for gaited horses, so they run a bit narrow. Both of mine were "wide' models so keep that in mind if you start looking.
Saddle searching is definitely a PITA. Best of luck to you. :0)
Ah, blanketing -- one of many topics that humans care about way way more than horses do!
DeleteThanks; guilt duly ditched.
I'm looking at treeless, but not committed to it. Basically my feeling is that I've been through a couple of different dressage and jump saddles at this point, so it's time to look at something different. I figured we'd start with treeless because the horse goes well bareback and seems to do better with a forward balance versus weight back towards his loin, and because I historically have not loved riding in western saddles. Also admittedly because I am curious! But I don't feel super-strongly about it.
The Tucker saddles are on my radar, but way over to the edge of it -- I don't really know anything about them! What is the feel/ride like?
First, I just read this article that is exactly what I wanted to say, but she said it so much better. You should check it out: http://www.chronofhorse.com/article/being-enough
DeleteRe: the Tucker saddle (http://tuckersaddles.shptron.com/p/equitation-endurance-saddle?pp=12) First of all, for endurance riding, it has to be the most comfortable saddle out there. It has a gel seat that is somehow suspended so that it reduces the impact of the rider's weight. I used to love riding in it, but now that I ride strictly dressage (I have a Custom Revolution), the saddle does feel large and clunky, but so does anything after my Custom!
The Equitation model has a seat "similar" to a western saddle, but everything else is based on an English saddle's shape: girth and billets, leathers, etc.
It might not work for you, but it's worth looking into. :0)
Ah. That is a good link. Thank you. :)
DeleteI know how you feel, to a freaky degree. Dixie gets what I can give her, which is more than some can give but not everything. She is truly my partner, and I don't even want another one. We like our sport, and I must do right by her, and it's a difficult balancing act. I hope it's something easily fixable!
ReplyDeleteYou're doing the best you can by him,in a logical fashion, and you have nothing to feel guilty about.
::fist-bump of solidarity:: These horses, man. Tuck was supposed to be a sales project when I got him back in...2001? 2002? So much for that!
DeleteWhat all those other folks said: that.
ReplyDeleteSaddle searching sucks. You can quote me on that. Funder and I both love our Specialized, but it isn't the right saddle for everyone. Also, it's not free, which is a problem. Why is it that the stuff I want for my horse is rarely free? Harumph.
Hang in. We'd all love to be fitter, better riders. Hell, I'd love to be able to right STRAIGHT, but my bum hip makes that not a thing right now. You do what you can with what you have in the time allowed with the budget given--same as all of us.
We're with ya.
Okay, I LOLed.
DeleteSpecialized is high on my list of saddles to investigate if the next treeless in line (my top contender on paper) doesn't work out. I have historically not been a fan of western saddles, but I keep hearing the Specializeds have a more Hannah-friendly balance. Kind of scared off by the customer service reports, though -- we don't have a rep in my area, so I guess I'd be dealing with the company directly.
It's not hard to fit a Specialized. You can do it alone, easily. You may have to order new shim pads from the company (and you may end up wondering how on earth it can take so long to throw velcro in a cardboard box and put it in the mail) but that's a one-time deal ;)
DeleteSorry to hear you are feeling so down. :( I hope both you and Tuck feel better soon! You've already gotten some great advice that I can't really add much to other than to just say hang in there.
ReplyDeleteYou know, it is what it is. With retirement staring me and husband in the face, I have to downsize part of my horse ambitions with Mocha (which were really pretty mild, anyway). And now she's come up sore in the right fore again.
ReplyDeleteShe does get better with riding. She needs consistent blanketing, which means more supervision on my part (for her, blanketing affects how she uses her back). She needs longing before the ride. I don't have endless resources for massage and acupuncture and chiro and....and...and...her hocks are fusing but the right fore has always had issues of its own. Yeah.
I don't think it's time for me to hang it up with her at age 13, nor do I necessarily think this is time for you to hang it up with Tuck. Middle aged horses hit these spells, just like middle aged humans get screwed up bodies, and that's the way it flows. If Tucker wants to work, then it's a matter of finding what works for him.
Right now, for me and Mocha, that means a lot of long, slow, mindful rides schooling at walk and jog, with some loping as she wants. She aches enough that she doesn't want to run hard, but she does want to work...sigh.
IOW, I definitely understand. I don't think we're at the end of our riding, it's just finding the right combination of work and saddle. Like Tucker for you, she's a lifetime horse. And one way or another, if the lifetime horse is willing to work, then there's gotta be something they'll find to do.
Hang in there. We hit these spells. It's a right royal pain when it happens, and it takes time to remember that some of this stuff takes a while to work through. I keep gritting my teeth as Mocha ginches through her trot because she *does* get better as I get her to soften and relax, and she *is* improving--it just takes time. Arrgh. At least I'm getting moments where we get it all together, enough to get me through the disunited dominant times.
It also helps (on my part) to have ridden at one barn for about fifteen years and seen the cycle of horses at about this age. This just happens. Horses age faster than we do, but both horses and humans get older, and achier. It's not worth it to blame yourself (speaking as much to me as to you, because yeah, I feel guilty). It just is.
I can be philosophical and rational and know that it's not the end of the world when it's somebody else's horse. But man, when it's your own, you just want them to be okay! Hope Mocha is feeling better ASAP.
DeleteHannah, don't feel guilty. You are doing wonderfully by Tucker and there is only so much a mortal human can do for their horse as they see and try to interpret what their horse is trying to tell them. If they could communicate with spoken words it would be so much easier.
ReplyDeleteIs this still lumbar back pain or pain under the saddle area? Pain under the saddle area can be saddle fit issue, soft tissue injury to the back specifically in that area, or possibly arthritis from something like kissing spines. Among others, but those seem to be the most common causes. If the pain is still in his lumbar area, from my experience this is more an issue related to something going on in the hind limbs rather than the back itself. I've seen them present with this type of soreness due to hind limb soft tissue injuries (in my current mare), hock pain (friends' horses), and stifle pain (a previous gelding of my own, and a friend's horse). Of course there could be other causes, but this is what I've dealt with personally. The lameness specialist sounds like the best route to try at the moment. I hope he can find answers for you, and that the problem is something easy to fix. Don't be discouraged; you are doing the best that you can. You two are a great team! Hang in there and keep us posted. I have everything crossed in the hopes that everything works out!
I go back and forth between wishing he could tell me how/what he's feeling and being glad, when I'm riding badly, that he can't! LOL
DeleteThe sore spot is around the front of the lumbar area, I think? Roughly under and behind the cantle -- not way back but not under where I sit. I do know that we're not looking at a kissing spine or spinal arthritis issue unless something has drastically changed in the last few months; we X-rayed his back in the spring and his vertebrae were seriously gorgeous -- vet said they looked better than most horses look at four or five just starting out. So that's something, anyway!
I feel a little stupid when I think back -- we've historically had really good results from acupuncturing his back, but I always (like I did this time) forget about it because we've only done it like three times in the last ~4 years -- not often enough for it to leap to mind when I'm thinking about possible interventions. Also it makes me a little crazy because I feel like it's palliative and I would really, really like to figure out what's causing the pain in the first place and solve that. But acupuncture should probably be on my radar if the hocks and stifles seem okay; it's been a magic bullet for us in the past.
Thanks!
I'm with everyone else... Don't feel guilty. Everyone does the best they can with what they know... And the good ones, like you, do even more because they are truly engaged in their care and strive to know more. I won't venture any suggestions because you are that good. Fixing Sug's feet worked wonders... And I still struggle to the point that my trainers felt it was my head not her body!
ReplyDeleteWhat everyone else is saying! Yes, yes, yes.
ReplyDeleteYou're a wonderful horse owner and above-average in your care immediately just because you've noticed a problem! You're superior because you're making efforts to remedy the problem! You're excellent because you've considered that it may be pain elsewhere referred to his back! You two are a GREAT team. Don't guilt or fret. I bet Tuck would give you the biggest of hugs if he had the arms to do it; I bet he'd tell you how awesome and incredible you are if he had the lips and tongue and vocal chords (and epiglottis and all the other technical anatomy ;-) ) to form the sounds and words! =)
Thank you! Although Tuck is really not the hugging sort. He's more shoulder-bump-and-let's-get-back-to-what-we-were-doing. I hear they do take after their owners...!
DeleteFor me, the worst - the absolute worst - feeling to do with horses is this uncertainty, the awful middle gray area, where you know something's wrong but you are still floundering to try and pin it down and freaking fix it already. I'm sorry. I know precisely how maddening and guilt-inducing and frustrating that is, and how powerless and yet responsible you feel. It's the reason for me Tristan's diagnosis, no matter how scary, was a huge sigh of relief.
ReplyDeleteNo way is Tucker done, nor you two as a team. No way. Zero chance. I have perfect faith that you will sort this out together, and will be here to support you even through the most frustrating parts of the muddling through.
I'm sorry you're dealing with this, especially at such a stressful time in general.
YES re: the floundering and uncertainty. As long as there's an EXPLANATION and a PLAN, life is good. (I felt the same way about Tris's story, albeit on I'm sure a much milder level. HORSES.)
DeleteWe wouldn't be horse people if we didn't love our horses unconditionally and want the absolute best for them. Hindsight is 20/20 and looking back, there are a lot of things I wish I had done different when it comes to horses... but all you can do is remind yourself you're doing the best you can, and forge forward with your new knowledge.
ReplyDeleteThank you. :)
DeleteSorry to hear about Tucker's back being sore. I've been doing the Christmas thing, so haven't had time to read all your posts lately, so if you've already answered this question, I'm sorry to ask again. Is Tucker ever sore after you ride him bareback or is it only under saddle? I'm curious because you mentioned that there had been a great dressage schooling session and hack right before the sore back. I'm wondering if you did the same schooling session bareback if you'd get the same response from Tucker in terms of a sore back. Not that it's probably advisable to do endurance riding bareback, but at least if he wasn't sore if you rode him bareback, you could do some limited riding while your saddle search continued.
ReplyDeleteNot sore so as I've noticed after bareback rides, so yeah, that's my backup plan! It's not clear to me whether that's because he doesn't get sore bareback, or just because I'm too unfit to work him hard enough bareback to sore him up. :-p
Delete(I will admit to having given thought to whether I could ride the last loop of something totally bareback if I needed to!)
Delete